Who do you call when you have a problem? Who are your biggest fans and support systems? Who is there for you when times get tough? I can’t imagine you scroll your Facebook friends and reach out to the hundreds or thousands of them if you need a ride to a colonoscopy or to walk your dog. But they are your ‘friends’ so why not? Let’s talk about what defines a real friend.
One definition is “A good friend is a connection to life - a tie to the past, a road to the future, the key to sanity in a totally insane world.” (Lois Wyse) I love this definition as it rings true with me. Having someone walk beside you in life creating memories along the way, so then later you can revisit those memories, laugh again and maybe even cry again, but all done together. A road to the future suggests you have someone to always be there for you as life continues to unfold. Then, who doesn’t need someone to help figure out sometimes how to navigate what may appear insane in the world. We all do.
Think about how you have made friends over the years. Maybe you made friends in school, at work, in your neighborhood or through your parenting experiences. But as adults, sometimes we don’t know how to make friends or even how to be a friend. Here are some tips:
It’s been said you get what you give. Be intentional about what you give.
Join groups where you will meet like-minded souls; maybe you always wanted to paint or learn an instrument, take classes or lessons.
In kindergarten you probably learned to treat others the way you wanted to be treated. It still applies today.
Be a good listener. Friends sometimes just want to be heard; you don’t need to solve their problems.
Extend an invitation for coffee or lunch to an acquaintance that you could see yourself being friends with.
Follow up with people; if someone shares something with you they are worried about (such as a doctor’s appointment) reach out and ask how it went.
Respond within a reasonable amount of time. In other words, return a text, phone call, or email without waiting too long.
Your significant other can also be a friend as friendship is a beautiful foundation to any relationship.
Respect your friends. They are also imperfect human beings, just like you are.
Give people the benefit of the doubt.
Maybe most important, be a friend to yourself. Treat yourself with kindness, compassion and love. Don’t be too hard on yourself; nothing good comes from this.
“The best mirror is an old friend.” This quote by George Herbert makes a good point. A great friendship is one where you see yourself and grow as a result. So while Facebook friends may be great to wish you a Happy Birthday, real life friendships are those that are there for you in good and bad times.
Reach out to a friend today!